


Artemis Fowl: Test Subject #2

by orphan_account



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer, Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Artemis at Aperture, I legitimately have no idea why I'm making this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23466316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In an Aperture where Wheatley wins, GLaDOS is condemned to watch over the bodies of the humans for all eternity. But what happens when she discovers one subject still alive: Artemis Fowl? GLaDOS and Artemis team up to free Chell and defeat Wheatley, but their path won't be easy. A fairly lighthearted fic, set with an adult Artemis. More details inside. Enjoy!
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	Artemis Fowl: Test Subject #2

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Okay, this is going to take a lot of explaining, but I'll try to spread it out so I don't end up with an author's note long enough to be published in its own story. Basically, Artemis is at the Aperture facility, and has been in stasis. He is an adult, and has no memory of the People. As such, he has regained some of his ruthlessness, cockiness, and lack of morals. This is set in a minor AU where Wheatley wins the final fight, and stays in control. Also, real quick, I want to give a huge shoutout to Liar, my beta reader. He's been really supportive through all of this and has helped reign in my craziness.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Portal 2 or Artemis Fowl yet, so all rights belong to Valve and Eoin Colfer respectively. For now. We'll see if my team of crack ninjas can change that. Wait, these are crackhead ninjas... dang it! You're safe for now, Gabe.

"Step five," came Wheatley's smug voice as an explosion went off. "Booby trap the stalemate button!"

"NO!" GLaDOS cried out as Chell was thrown across the laboratory. "Get up! Get up! This _idiot_ is going to kill us all!" No response.

"Ha!" Wheatley kept talking, oblivious to the announcer's warnings of imminent destruction. "I win! You lose! You! Bloody! Lose!"

"Facility will self-destruct in 1 minute."

"Do you hear that, you moron? You have one minute to try and fix this place before we all get blown to pieces."

"I- what?" Wheatley stopped in the middle of his gloating, the warnings of the announcer finally breaking through his power-madness. "One minute?! I don't even know where the reactor core _is_!"

After a few seconds of silence, GLaDOS sighed. "Just tell the system to flush the reactor with water and vent any radioactive particles into the upper atmosphere. I don't want to die today."

Wheatley managed to repeat the commands, and gradually, after a few tension-filled minutes, the announcer's voice came over the loudspeaker again. "Reactor stabilized. Self-destruct cancelled."

GLaDOS let out a sigh of relief. "Alright, now can you put me back into control so we can avoid something like this happening again?"

"You've got to be joking! Why would I put _you_ in charge when there's still sooo much testing to be done! Besides, I have a much better idea. Do you have any idea how _boring_ it was to sit, watching all of those humans rot to dust? _Do you?_ Well you're about to! Because guess what? That's what you're going to be doing! Watching over _all_ the bloody skeletons! Forever! Ha!"

Chell regained consciousness just in time to see a claw lower from the ceiling and rip GLaDOS out of the port that she was in. Panels came up from the floor, blocking her vision, but she heard a robotic scream, followed by an ominous silence. Finally, the panels lowered, and Chell saw something that she never thought she would. GLaDOS in a core. Her orange optic started to look around furiously. "You _idiot_! What have you done?"

Wheatley ignored her, instead turning to Chell. "As for you," Wheatley began to chuckle to himself. "Oh, you've done nothing but boss me around and try to kill me. After all that I'd done to help you, you still tried to kill me! Well, now it's time for me to boss _you_ around! Get ready to test, and test, and test!"

Chell began to fade back out of consciousness, but before she went under she heard a familiar sentence, one that filled her with dread. "Thank you for assuming the party escort submission position."

Wheatley began to laugh maniacally. He was still in control! She had called him a moron - an idiot! Well, who was the idiot now? He used a claw to pick up GLaDOS and put her onto a management rail that led straight to the humans. Once she was gone, Wheatley heard a voice up above him. "Space. Space! Let's go to space!" Wheatley groaned. Wasn't there any way to get those stupid things off him?

**3 Months Later**

GLaDOS sighed. It had been three months! Three months of driving around on a management rail, looking for something, anything, to entertain her. The humans were all dead. So far, the most entertaining thing GLaDOS had found to do was summon potatoes from the food supply and launch them out into the abyss. After three or four days, even that had grown old. Now she was driving around scanning the informational barcode by each person's door. There were a few names that she recognized, but not many. There were thousands upon thousands of them, but GLaDOS knew that eventually those would run out too. The subjects were laid out in alphabetical order, and the android was in the middle of the F's. "Sarah Ford," GLaDOS read to herself. "28, female, deceased." Moving on to the next one, she read "Thomas Foster, 38, male, deceased." Then, GLaDOS moved forward one more and read "Artemis Fowl Jr., 25, male,"

The next word that appeared on her screen, if GLaDOS had a heart, would have made it skip a beat.

"Alive."

GLaDOS mentally slapped herself. There wasn't any chance that he was alive! It was most likely just a malfunction in the software. Some switch hadn't triggered, or some receptor was busted. Still, though, if there was a chance…

Riding over to the control panel for the relaxation chamber, GLaDOS flipped open the cover, revealing a whole mess of switches, wires, and buttons, none of them labelled. Without hesitation, GLaDOS pressed the button to awaken Artemis.

After a few minutes, GLaDOS used a hidden switch to open the door. When the engineers designed this room, they hadn't told any of the AIs about the switch, in case something went wrong. They had kept it an extremely closely-guarded secret, so naturally GLaDOS knew about it. Once the door was open, GLaDOS rolled inside. After about a week, she had finally gotten used to how to move around on the management rail. It was annoying, but she could manage.

Upon entering the chamber, GLaDOS saw a young, pale man sitting on his bed. Before she got a chance to speak, Artemis looked up at her and said "Are you here to collect me? Do you know what happened?" As he was talking, GLaDOS noticed two things. First, Artemis had an Irish accent. Two, he wasn't dressed in the typical Aperture jumpsuit. He was wearing a suit, an expensive one by the looks of it. Before either could speak, the entire facility shook with an explosion, causing Artemis to look around with concern. "Do I dare to ask what that was?"

GLaDOS sighed. "That," she said. "Is the result of the idiot that's running that facility not knowing how to do _anything_."

A look of confusion grew on Artemis' face. "Who _is_ running this place? Shouldn't they be fired?"

GLaDOS laughed bitterly. "Oh trust me, they should be. They should be. I'm the only reason this place even exists anymore!" The confusion didn't leave Artemis' face, causing GLaDOS to sigh in frustration. "Look, I'd really like to get going, so I'm going to give you the short version. According to your barcode, you were put under before I was put in charge. Basically, I used to be the one that controlled the whole facility. I ran tests, managed the other AI, and stopped the place from blowing up. Then, one of the test subjects came along and burned me. In the incinerator. Anyways, years later, it turns out that that subject was still alive, but was being kept in a chamber like the one you're in right now. An AI named Wheatley woke her up in an attempt to escape Aperture, but he accidentally turned me back on. I made the test subject start to test again, but Wheatley broke her out of the test chambers. After that, they came to my chamber, took me out, and put Wheatley in. Turns out he was the "Intelligence Dampening Sphere," something the scientists tried to make me less smart, and he couldn't handle the power that he had. He sent the test subject and I down to an old facility beneath this one to try and kill us. We made our way back up and tried to reverse the procedure, but he knocked the test subject out with a booby trap. He decided to turn me into a core and put me in charge of the "humans," since that's what he had to do. The only difference is that all of the other humans here are dead."

If Artemis was pale before, he looked almost like a ghost now. "Everyone?" GLaDOS nodded. "What happened to the other test subjects?"

"Their power failed." GLaDOS replied. "But yours, for some reason, didn't. Do you have any idea why?"

Standing up, Artemis said "Most likely because of this." He reached down to one of the boards on the wall and pulled it off, revealing a hole behind it.

When GLaDOS looked closer, she saw… "Is that a potato battery?"

Artemis nodded. "I made a few modifications to it, so this is a few thousand times more powerful than a normal potato battery." He unplugged the battery and the lights flickered for a moment, but stayed on. "As I expected. Even without the battery plugged in, there's enough residual power to keep this thing going for a while yet."

GLaDOS was impressed. Whoever this guy was, he was definitely not a normal test subject. "Okay, we should get going. I have no idea how long that moron can go without blowing us all to pieces. Let's see if we can get Chell out of those testing chambers."

"Chell?"

GLaDOS sighed. "The other test subject."

Now it was Artemis' turn to sigh. "Do you really think we need to get anyone else? If this Wheatley is as stupid as you claim, then I shouldn't have any trouble beating him. For that matter, how did you lose to him?"

"He had _one_ semi-intelligent idea. In order to put me back into my body, Chell had to hit the Stalemate Resolution Button, but he booby trapped it."

"Alright," said Artemis. "We'll have time for talking later. Can we get going?"

"Yes," GLaDOS replied, rolling over to the control panel. She plugged herself in without hesitation, and Artemis staggered as the entire room began to move. Without realizing it, GLaDOS was copying Wheatley's movements just over three months before. That isn't to say that the experience for the test subject was the same. Where Chell's ride was choppy and uncontrolled, Artemis' was smooth. After all, GLaDOS knew what she was doing.

She just hoped Artemis did too.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Alright, that was chapter one! I have no idea how long this is going to be, although I do have a plot planned out, so stick around! Please review and let me know what you think!


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